Montana Dumb Laws

• It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail.

• It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone.

• Seven or more Indians are considered a raiding or war party and it is legal to shoot them.

• In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.

• It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.

• Excelsior Springs: Balls may not be thrown within the city limits.

• Helena: No item may be thrown across a street.

• Helena: A woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

• Salisbury: Pop bottles are not to be thrown on the ground.

• Whitehall: It is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels.

You Know Your in Montana When

• You leave your keys in your car and the next morning it's still there.

• You installed your new computer using a Leatherman , tool.

• You can see the stars at night.

• People drive 200+ miles to shop at a mall.

• Dressing up means wearing a clean flannel shirt and jeans that aren't too dirty.

• The 4 seasons consist of Winter, June, July and August

• You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and construction.

• Every vehicle you see has an engine block heater cord hanging out the grill.

• Winterizing your car means you place a piece of old cardboard in front of the radiator grill so you can get some heat in the car

• At 15 years old, you drive yourself to your drivers education class.

• You only know four spices - salt, pepper, Ranch dressings and ketchup.

• You think the start of Elk season is a national holiday.

• You hear North Dakota jokes.

• Soda is called pop and you laugh at those who call it soda.

MONTANA VERSION OF "SURVIVOR"
Contestants must travel from Billings through Bozeman, Butte, Helena, Great Falls and back to Billings through Sheridan and Virginia City.  They must drive a Volvo with a bumper sticker that reads: "I'm gay, an abortion doctor, and I'm here to take your guns."

First one to make the round-trip safely is the winner!
 

IN THE BATHROOM
In the bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Nebraska and they taught us to be sanitary."

The lawyer finished,  zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented,  "I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."

The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, I'm from Montana and was taught not to piss on my fingers.
 

Three men were sitting together bragging

about how they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a Woman from Iowa

and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning.

It took a couple days, but on the third day he came home

 to a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Illinois.

He had given his wife orders that she was to

do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking.

The first day he didn't see any results,

but the next day he saw it was better.

By the third day, he saw his house was clean,

the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Montana.

He told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,

lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything,

but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down

and he could see a little out of his left eye,

enough to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.